GROW BABY! GROW!

When I was pregnant with Luke I felt very strongly that he would be a breastfed baby.  For those three days that he was alive, he was a terrible breastfeeder.  Wouldn't latch on, would fall asleep at breast (when he would latch!), and it was nothing but difficulties.  Then he developed jaundice and I received a lot of pressure from the nurses to get food into him to help the jaundice.  When we got home from the hospital, I finally threw my hands up, waved the white flag, and fed him formula.  It was very stressful.
When I was pregnant with Natalie I knew there was no way I wanted to go through that again.  Maybe it was because their pregnancies were so close together and at that point Luke's short life was still so recent and very raw.  For whatever reason, I decided to formula feed Natalie.  It was still too much of Luke and I didn't want to go there.
Fast forward to my pregnancy with Colin.  I decided to jump in and try the breastfeeding thing again.  I met Lavawn, the lactation consultant at my OB's office.  I attended one of her BFing classes at the end of August, a month before Colin was due.  I immediately felt comfortable with her and the ladies that were helping her with the class.  At that point, I knew it was something I could do.
The odds were definately stacked against me.  A lot of what I read online stated that babies with DS don't BF well due to low muscle tone in their mouth.  But I read so much about how it was really beneficial for them, like all babies, but especially babies with DS. 
WE DID IT!  Colin was born and I immediately worked with him on breast feeding.  He latched super well!  There was hope!

Looking back at my pregnancy, I have to laugh over Colin's weight.  Starting around 30 weeks and my weekly ultrasounds, I was always told what a "chunky" baby I had!  I started to fear that I was going to have a 10lb baby!  Natalie was 6.12 and born at 39weeks.  When I told my OB that she said, "Oh, he will totally be a larger baby!"  Grrrrrrreat.  At my last ultrasound, at 38 weeks, they told me he was weighing right at 8lbs - and I still had 2 weeks to go.  A week later, 39 weeks, my little guy was born weighing 7.2oz!  There was no 10lb baby!!!  By the time we left the hospital, he was down to 6.8oz.

The Monday after Colin was born, we went to Lavawn's for the 1st time (1st of MANY times!!).  She and I worked together and she gave me some tips for feeding Colin.  All of the sudden, my "chunky" baby became a "tiny" baby and I felt like my pediatrician was always freaking out over his weight.  I was checking in weekly and sometimes more with either Lavawn, or the pediatrician for weight checks.  I was a little disappointed in my pediatrician because I felt like she really wanted me to give up and switch to formula.  I wasn't going there!  I was determined to keep trying.  Around the 2 week mark, Lavawn and I introduced some formula to Colin for extra calories.  After nursing, I was supplementing another ounce of formula, sometimes mixed in with breastmilk (I had started pumping).  That supplementation increased little by little.  We introduced a nipple shield thinking that would help Colin transfer more milk.  We tried a 10-10-10 method.  10 minutes on one side, switch to the other side for 10min, then back to the 1st side for 10min.  When I would weigh him after feedings with Lavawn it appeared he was getting around 2oz from me.  One time Lavawn referred to him as an "ineffective nurser."  We still laugh about that.  I told her that she hurt his feelings!  Even though we kept trying different techniques, I was determined NOT to give up.   Little by little, his weight slowly started to increase.  At Colin's 1 month appointment he was in the 5th% on the DS growth chart (3rd% on the regular growth chart).  He still wasn't back to birthweight yet. 

Each feeding was a huge process.  I would nurse Colin, then supplement, then pump.  By the time it was done, it was almost time to start the process over again!  But I hung in there, with weekly weight checks, discouraging words from the dr and nothing but positive, supporting words from Lavawn. 

So, where are we at today?  Colin is 4months old, and this week he weighed in at 12.4oz!!!  BEAUTIFUL!  It was one of the first times that his doctor was really pleased with his weight.  On the DS growht chart, he was in the 50th%!!!!  Colin gets bottles most of the time with both breastmilk and some formula (my supply is not the greatest!).  I aim to nurse him at least 1x/day.  I laugh that the pump is my best friend.  Colin does wonderfully though when I put him to breast.  He never fights it.  I do still have to use the nipple shield though.  He just looses too much milk without it.  We had tried without the shield for a week once, that led to only a 1oz. weight gain.  So, I've come to the realization that we just have to use it.

I would not even allow myself to entertain the thought of giving up until Colin was 6wks old.  So much I read online said that 6wks was about the time that a lot of babies "get" the idea of breastfeeding.  Once I made it to 6wks my new goal was 8wks.  I took it week by week.  I kept reminding myself "never give up on a bad day!"  I've had plenty of bad days!!  Not-good weigh ins, not a lot of support from the pediatrician, a constant bacterial infection that I've had since mid-December (now on my 3rd round of antibiodics), lots of tears, etc, etc.  But through it all Lavawn gave me the support and positive words I always needed.  I've told her many times that she's my hero and she always tells me that I've her hero.  I don't know why she says that - I'm the one that couldn't have done it without her.

My new goal is to make it to 6 months.  My long-term goal is 1yr.  But I have to take baby steps.  I feel like I can do it.  We're in a good place these days.  What Colin and I do works for us and he appears to be gaining nicely (and there's no weekly weigh-ins!!).

Here are a few pictures from one of Colin's weigh-ins on January 5th with Lavawn.

She always talks to him before she sets him on the scale.  I always say to Colin, "Ok bud!  Give me big numbers!"

Here Colin is with our wonderful Lavawn!

Whew....  That was a long post!  I don't really know what my point is except DON'T GIVE UP!  Colin and I went through a lot and if someone had told me I was still be pumping and BFing him at 4 months I probably would have said they were crazy.  But the two of us have hung in there!

A PJ & Couch sorta day!

So, yesterday my body decided to get sick.  Yea, I SO do not have time for that.  This evening, I definately feel better and I attribute that staying on the couch all day.
I decided to stay in PJ's, leave Colin in PJ's, and spend the day cuddling with my little guy!  We've been on the run a lot lately (and spending a lot of time at school the last few weeks....), so I took advantage of this down day to hang out, relax, sleep and feel better.  Luckily Colin decided to cooperate with me.  But, no real surprise there since he's so easy going!
We took a little cat nap together on the couch in the morning.  Is there anything better then a sleeping baby on your chest?!?!  Well, about 30mins later, daddy called and woke us BOTH us (thanks Steve!).  Later during the day, he started to get a tiny bit fusys and I could tell it was his tired fuss.  So, I pulled his bouncy chair by the couch, put him in it, and a short while later he was out cold.  A short while after that, I was out cold!  We both slept for a few hours.
I love cuddling with him!  I think he enjoys cuddling with his mommy too!

Hanging out of the couch with mom!  Best way to spend the day!

Love his big smiles!  They're the best!

4 MONTHS OLD!!

I can't believe my little guy is 4 months old!!  Where did the last 4 months go?  He's changed so much and he continues to amaze me everyday.  I'm on my final 2 weeks of leave and it's back to school.  It makes me sad.  I love my days with him - even the crazy ones!  He just goes with the flow and nothing bothers or phases him.  It's not that I don't want to go back to school, because I do love my job, but I just don't know how I'm going to do it all!  All the craziness that comes with being back to work stress me out.  Not to mention that this is the point that Steve's job gets crazy and he works horrible hours.  There will be weeks where I will hardly see him in the evenings.  And now I have two kids to handle.  Homework to do with Natalie, piano practicing, gymnastics... 
Anyways - this isn't about my crazy life!  This is about Colin, right?  :-)

So, as I was saying, my little guy is now 4 months old.  I'm hoping he now weighs 12lbs, but we won't know until he goes to the dr on Friday.  I was supposed take him this past Friday, but I had a meeting at school.  He will be due for his 4 month shots too.  Boo...  Last time, at his 2 month shots, the poor boy SCREAMED!  I had never heard him scream that way!!!  It was terrible.

Colin is still the sweetest baby ever.  He gives you smiles all the time.  He loves being talked to.  He loves being interacted with.  He talks back to you too!  The sweetest little coos.  It's adorable.  Steve and I laugh at night when we first put him to bed.  He will lay in his crib until he's asleep talking away.  It's adorable.

He is still not a fan of tummy time.  I know it's good for him, and his neck muscles and upper body strength.  but he HATES it!  A lot of the time, when he's placed on his belly he'll just flip himself over so he's on his back.  I bought him a floor mirror, but he definately doesn't have the strength, on the floor, to push up to watch himself in the mirror.  I wish he would - I think he'd get a kick out of it.

So, as I spend the last two weeks with him at home, I will try to relish every moment I have with him.  I will steal as many of his smiles as I can.  So, when those obnoxious middle schoolers drive me crazy, I'll just try to picture my sweet little boys face!

The little girl in Church

Sunday, Colin was baptised in Church after the 11am mass.  It was beautiful and Father Peter did a wonderful job!  Steve asked me later that day "do you feel better now that he's baptised?"  YES!!  Even with Natalie (who was baptised when she was 5 months old - a little older then I wanted!), I felt a sense of peace having her baptised.  Maybe it's because I never had the chance to have Luke baptised in the Church (although he did receive his baptisism by a chaplain after his death).  Who knows - but it's something that means a lot to me and our family.  His Godparents are Steve's dad and my sister.  Both of which I know will provide him great spiritual direction throughout his life!

Anyways........ 
There's a little girl in our parish who has DS.  I remember the first time I "spotted" her!  I was probably 7/8 months pregnant with Colin, so I already knew about his diagnosis.  The first time I saw her, my eyes watched every move of hers during mass!  She was such a good girl and she sat there with her parents and two other sisters.
 
At the beginning of mass yesterday, the row in front of us was empty.  As soon as mass began, I noticed a family fill in that empty row.  It was the little girl!  She was SO adorable!  Again, I felt like I was always looking at her during mass.  Near the end of mass, right after communion, the little girl and her mom had turned around to watch Colin.  The little girl couldn't take her eyes of him!  And Colin was the same!  She had on this cute little sparkley bright pink ring.  Colin was fascinated by her ring - then again, anything bright and sparkley Colin loves watching.  It was cute.  I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes - to me it was such a touching moment.  It melted my heart to see the two of them so fascinated with each other.

I was so proud of myself!  After mass, I struck up a conversation with her mom.  I asked her how old she was - 10.  I was telling her mom about Colin and his diagnosis.  One of her first questions (of course!) was "is he healthy?"  I think as a mom of a child with DS, that's always one of your first thoughts/concerns.  I told her God had blessed us - Colin was 100% healthy.  She told me that they were the same.  Her daughter had been born with a slight heart murmur, but it corrected itself by the time she was 5.  She ended the conversation by saying "God Bless."  I truly felt like I have been blessed....  I know I've said this before, but again - I felt like it was all going to be ok.  The day of Colin's baptism, I believe this little girl sat there for a reason......

A few pictures from his special day:

GOD BLESS!

A Wonderful Big Sis!

The other evening I was folding laundry in my bedroom.  I went out to get something and came back in the bedroom.  In that short time, Natalie "snuck" into the room, picked Colin up and started to play with him.  Since it was Sunday, football was on.  We're a divided household.  Natalie & I are Colts fans and Steve is a Bears fan.  I don't have the heart to tell Steve that Colin loves the Colts too.  Anyways, as I'm walking into the room, I hear Natalie saying to Colin "You know the Colts are the best football team, right?"  It was so adorable!
What I saw made me SO happy!  Colin laying on Natalie's tummy and pulling his head up!  He HATES tummy time and the moment you put him on him tummy he rolls himself right over.  How else is he supposed to build those neck muscles?!?!  Children with DS often have low muscle tone.  Even though Colin is a strong baby, I am starting to notice this in his head/neck.  He doesn't have the same control that Natalie had when she was his age.  It was great to see how well he was holding his head up and how encouraging Natalie was being!  Of course, I had to grab my camera and capture the moment!  The camera is never too far from me.

Colin was really enjoying following her lollipop!  He was totally fascinated by this red dot in front of his face.

Being encouraged by big sis!

Hanging out with my sis.....

"....Tis the Season!"

Ahhhh...  Thanksgiving, Christmas, then New Year's!  It's all about rush, rush, rush.  But, in reality, most importantly (I have to remind myself of this!), it's about those wonderful memories you make with your children and spending time with family!

Colin had no idea that it was his 1st Christmas!  But, everyone else did.  And they spoiled him ROTTEN (and his sister of course!).  He received such wonderful presents.  But even more fabulous was the present that he gave everyone - his presence.  It's amazing what a baby can do to people!  Even those that don't appear to be "baby people" can get a smile on their face when they see Colin.  Who knows, maybe it's his hair!  People love to be around him, and I think the whole family was glad to have him here throughout the entire holiday season!  We had a wonderful Christmas day, with a lot of family around, and I don't think Colin ever had a chance to be by himself!  Even while sleeping, someone was holding him.  He had the chance the chance to spend the day with both sets of grandmparents.  It was a wonderful day, having everyone around.

We went to Steve's grandpa's for awhile this past Thursday (getting a flat tire on the way, but that's a WHOLE other story!!!).  It was so cute to see his grandpa, on his hands-and-knees entertaining Colin while he was on the floor and no one else was in the room.  I think he really enjoys when his great grandson comes to visit!

Colin's biggest fan is my sister!  She is constantly threatening to "steal him."  Yep, those are her words!  I think Colin is a pretty big fan of his Aunt!  She's able to get some pretty big smiles from the little guy!

Today we got together with Steve's parents, sister, brother-in-law and their two kids to celebrate Christmas.  It was a fun time!  Steve's neice had a good time holding Colin.  It was so sweet!

I love that as Colin grows up he has the support of so many family members.  They all love him dearly.  I don't think that Colin has come across anyone yet that he hasn't made an impact on.  He always puts a smile on people's face.  Not sure if that's because he's a baby, or because he's just Colin!  And as I always say, when I see someone else smile because of Colin, I know it's all going to be ok.....