Weeks of waiting... The unknown.

In January, I found out I was pregnant.  Everything began very routine.  I knew what to expect - I wasn't new to this!  My OB had told me I could have as much or as little testing as I wanted.  I told her I wanted what was standard.  She asked about an amnio (due to my age.  Yep, I was now considered "Advanced Maternal Age" WHATEVER!).  I told her I didn't want to go that route, nothing invasive. 
Around 13wks it was time for my quad screening.  This would be a nuchal translucency scan with the perinatologist, and bloodwork.  It would determine my "odds" of having a baby with down syndrome or other chromosomal defects.  I started at the geneticists office and we went through all my medical history, along with Steve's.  We spent a lot of time talking about Luke's heart defects.  That was my largest concern.  DS was the furthest thing from my mind!  I remember one of the last things we discussed was my age.  She told me that my chance was only slightly higher then it would be if I was a few years younger.  I walked out of there feeling great! 
March 25th, I had the ultrasound and bloodwork.  I was told nuchal folds were within the normal limit.  On Good Friday, April 9th, my geneticist called me in the morning.  She told me the bloodwork came back with elevated numbers.  Based on my age, my ratio for the risk of downs was 1:250.  Mine came back at 1:30.  Damn, why did I not buy a lottery ticket that day?  She gave me a few options:
1.  Do nothing
2.  Jump to the amnio
3.  Re-do the blood work after 16wks to see what it came back at.
She warned me that the chance of a false-positive is high, I knew that already...  I opted for #3 - wait until 16wks to do the bloodwork again. 
I tried my best over the next few weeks to put it all out of my mind....  But, I really think that in my heart I already knew what the results were.
At the end of April, I had the bloodwork repeated.  My geneticist called me on a Monday afternoon to tell me that the ratio was elevated again.  This time, it was 1:5.  Did I buy a lottery ticket?  NO!  What was I thinking?!?!  Again, given a few options - do nothing, do an amnio.  I chose the amnio.  Many women choose not to have an amnio done because of the risks involved.  But seriously?  How could I *NOT* know?  How was I supposed to spend the next 22 weeks wondering.  I'm a planner.  I needed to know.  My amnio was that week.  It hurt.  I was scared.  My husband helped me through. 
On May 4th, Dr. Zunich (geneticist) called me on my cell at school.  I had carried my cell with me everywhere I went for days.  I was anticipating that call.  I needed that call.  The unknown had gone on since March - here it was May.  I was teaching one of my 6th grade classes.  I went out in the hall to talk to her.  She asked me if I could talk, if I was alone.  My heart sank.  I knew everything was about to change.  She told me that the amnio came back positive for DS.  I told her I knew.  I finally felt peace.  I had my answer.  We talked for a few minutes and made arrangements to meet at her office the next day after school.
I cried, mostly out of a sense of relief - I finally had my answer.  I knew I needed to call my husband and tell him....  It was one of the hardest calls I ever had to make.  How do you tell the father of your baby that the child you're carrying will be born with down syndrome? 

Termination.....  This was offered to me that afternoon by my OB.  Seriously?  That thought never crossed my mind.  Why/how could I ever consider this?  Yes, this child will have developmental issues, but he has a good chance at life.  It's not my right to take that away!  She was glad I chose to move forward.

The next day, I returned to school.  I couldn't talk about it.  I was still trying to process it all.  I cried a lot over the next week.  And I was terrified.  I knew the health issues that could be associated in children who have down syndrome.  I already had one "heart baby" and I knew that if this baby had a heart defect, that would be what would send me over the edge.  Not the DS!  I could handle the DS, but couldn't handle a heart defect. 

The Good Lord blessed me over the next 20 weeks. We found out that he didn't have a heart defect!  Everything else looked healthy with him.  I had monthly growth ultrasounds with the perinatologist.  At 30 weeks I began bi-weekly NST's and biophysical profiles.  Even before Colin was born he was the most photographed baby ever!! 

On September 21, 2010 our son was born.  100% healthy.  100% beautiful.  It was all going to be ok.