Day 6

.....And we're still here.  There are glimpses where I feel that Colin is improving, then I see a setback, and it kills me. 

The last two nights have been scary - both nights he has had an episode of respiratory distress.  The first night it happened, I had already decided I didn't like his nurse.  When he started to go into distress, his alarms were ringing, he was struggling, and I couldn't get her to come to us!  We had even rung the nurse call button.  It was terrifying.  Finally another nurse came in, got another nurse, and a few minutes later she comes waltzing in.  I was LIVID!!!!  I very strongly voiced my anger to the other nurses and I think she got a talking to.  The rest of the night she kinda kissed our butts!  It was very scary though.  I felt totally out of control and helpless, and what made it worse was the people that are supposed to help us, weren't.  I was PISSED.

Yesterday, one of our favorite doctors said she really wanted to send him for another chest xray and make sure there wasn't a pneumonia that had set in.  A little while after the xray, she came back to visit us and said there definately was pneumonia on both sides and an extra pocket of fluid on the left.  So we decided to start amoxicillian on top of the other stuff we were already doing.  Both Steve and I were very relieved.  It explained the constant spike of the high fevers and why he wasn't showing improvement.  We hoped this would be the turning point.

Last night, Colin had another episode of distress.  It started around 7:15pm  It was right at shift change, and again we had a hard time getting someone in our room.  His #s weren't falling like the night before, and he looked better, but he was gasping to breathe.  It is so disturbing to witness it and at that point, I lost it.  I know I was hysterical, but I just wanted to see my baby be able to breathe.  They decided to give him another breathing treatment and the dr ordered it to last an hour.  He was already mad because he couldn't breathe and now he was to have that stupid mask on his face during the treatment.  This made him even more angry.  He screamed the whole time.  He wimpered, he grunted, it was terrible.  So what's next??  His IV was leaking and they needed to change it.  They called 2 people up from the PICU to do it and they were wonderful!  By that point, Colin had totally tired himself out and gave up.  He was just laying there while they were doing his IV - and the dr ordered a blood gas so they had to get that blood.  When all of it was over, it was 9:30.  Two hours of panic and Colin freaking out.  At one point, we were down to .2litres of oxygen and now we're back up to 2.  Not good.

Today Colin has had a pretty good day.  He has finally eaten!  He's taken about 10oz of breastmilk - which is more then he has probably had all week!!  Definately a good sign.  He's been more alert and awake today.  We did have one scare with his iv.  He somehow bumped it/knocked it/messed with it and Steve saw it bleeding.  It took two nurses about 30 minutes, but they were able to save the IV!  Does it ever end?!?!

Originally they said he had to be off oxygen for 24 hours before they would send us home.  Two doctors have told me they could send us home on oxygen.  I'm glad to know the oxygen isn't what will keep us in the hospital.  It's breaks my heart to see how hard breathing is for Colin - for all of us, it's something that is so simple.  Stupid RSV.  We hope Tuesday to go home.  Hope, hope, hope.....  And for tonight?  I need a calm evening with no distress.  I already feel panicky knowing that the evening is sneaking up on us.  I can't handle another night like the last two.

Colin feeling a little better on Saturday and sitting up for a few minutes!

I really do want to smile, really....